the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
