I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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