yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
