I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
