I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
