Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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