Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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