Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
