Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
