Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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