her vagine was all disorganized.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
