life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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