we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
