i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
