Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i came on her dog
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
