Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
