I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
