So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize