he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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