The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize