Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
