i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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