I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
