Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
