were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
