I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We left an ass print on the piano.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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