whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
