Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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