oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
