I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
