I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
