dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
someone get that fucking seahorse.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
