Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
