i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
