i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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