She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
