Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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