He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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