I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
