my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
