Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
