Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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