Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
