awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
