someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
