Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
