Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize