I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
