It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
