ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
