Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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