She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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