I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
