the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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