Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
