he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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