You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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