I seem to have left my pride at pride
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
