Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
