Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
