ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
