Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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