Your dad touched me again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I touched a dick in church today
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
