i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
