apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
