Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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