Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
