The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
