I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
